Sunday, December 16, 2012

Mímisbrunnr


Far beneath, in the unseen world, lay the roots of Yggdrasil. Here, beneath one of the roots, where the great yawning void once existed, lies Mímisbrunnr - the well of wisdom. Ever it shines forth from the darkness, from which all things came. The master of this well is called Mimir, and he drinks from the well of wisdom every day. It is said that Odin once requested a single drink from Mimir's well; But Mimir refuses, unless Odin is willing to sacrifice his eye. Odin agrees to Mimir's terms, and Mimir grants him the single drink. The mead within Mimisbrunnr is capable of granting wisdom and intellect of immeasurable proportions. But Odin's thirst for knowledge and wisdom was not one of personal gain. He sought this knowledge in an attempt to prevent the destruction of the world he helped shape. As he drank from the well, he saw the coming sorrows of men and gods alike. And though he had come in hopes of finding a way of stopping the destruction of all things, he instead saw why all things must fall. He saw how these things would be dealt with in a noble manner. He saw a promise that should the gods and men meet their end with bravery and honor, that one day in the distant future, men and gods would once again meet the darkness....but this time, they would prevail.

Wisdom and power rarely give us the answers we originally thought we would receive. But with the right amount of unwavering will and willingness to give of oneself, wisdom will always lead us through destruction and into grace. Do I believe in the ending of the world? In many ways, the world ends and begins again each day and night. It ends just before the Winter Solstice, and begins again on the day of the celestial event. One moment, we are standing in the Sun's light. The next moment, we are plunged into darkness. The point being that night follows day, and day follows night...and we tend to think nothing of it. We meet these processes without fear. As such, should the end of all things come one day, we should meet it the same way we greet the black skies of night - with honor and wonder. For one day, all things will be new again, and light will fill the world once more.

If I don't write here again before the solstice, Happy Yule everyone! The days will soon grow longer! Stay warm and safe!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Three Years



Chris,

Three years ago, we made a decision that would change both of our lives forever. I remember being so reluctant to allow myself to love you. All of the pain from previous relationships can really tarnish a person's ability to just let down their guard, and to open up their heart. Fear and doubt take hold. But I realized that if I shut you out, I could have given up a chance at love. What a foolish thing to do! So, I reached down into myself, pulled out my dark and broken heart, and held it out in front of me for you to see. Without questioning me, without a second glance, you lifted it up and gave it new life.

Since then, I have lived more fully than I could have ever dreamed of living in all the years before. Three years...within them, a lifetime, an ocean of memories lives and breathes. To step back and look at all we've accomplished together brings me to new heights, and assures me that the decision to open my heart to you is at the top of my "Best Decisions I Ever Made" list.

Thank you for your gentle strength, and your perfect comedic timing and whit. Thank you for helping me see my dreams and stay true to them. And most of all, thank you for being so kind, loving, and understanding of my mending heart.

May we continue to be such excellent medicine to each other, and may we live to see our love grow until this world can no longer contain it! Happy Anniversary, Tut!

I Love You!

Ben

Monday, October 22, 2012

Leaping and Not Leaping


It's been a while since I posted. Sometimes, what I need to write has to steep in silence for a while before it finally bubbles up from the depths of my mind.

What follows is an e-mail I recently wrote to a friend of mine. It just poured out, and I feel the need to pour it out here as well:


I want to take a step in a new direction, but I guess I'm still afraid to take that required leap. It's like trying to force the trees to bud out after a long Winter. Despite my impatience, the trees just keep hitting snooze. But then one day, a green haze washes over the forest. I'm waiting for my green haze...impatiently. I can see the future me, and how fantastically free I will be. Technically, I'm already the future me;but that's another discussion entirely. It's the waiting...the process that's dull and painful. But painful processes are great teachers and character builders. They're what makes us who we are. I guess what I'm saying is that I need to be more friendly to my life's processes. 

I've been trying to get myself in the habit of maintaining a mental state of allowance - allowing life to happen, rather than trying to shape it too much. Interestingly enough, this is a concept I've been lead to through my practice of magic.When you hear people say "the world changes at the individual level," there is something deeper they're saying (often without realizing it). There is an inward landscape within each of us that must be allowed to unfold. When we can finally clearly see the inward shapes of our dreams and desires, we must then learn to accept them and shape what we do outwardly in accordance with the shape of what's within us. It's basically aligning yourself with what's already there. Through this alignment, manifestation is possible. Hope I'm making sense here. Discovering your TRUE will is no easy task. Accepting it and aligning your actions with it is even more difficult. The outside world seeks to suppress this within us, to the point where such a task seems completely impossible. And so, we stop dreaming. We stop looking at our inward landscape, and finally, we end up resisting it entirely. This resistance is what creates all the sorrow we feel. 

You have a great teacher sitting in your living room floor, playing with his Legos. At his age, your son acts from a place of his inner landscape. His dreams easily manifest, because he has not yet been fully suppressed by society. If there is a dragon in his inner landscape, he manifests this dragon in this world through the tools available to him. He does this without a second thought to other's opinions. He does this without fear. The mind of a child is the mind of pure human-beingness (not a word, I know). They represent all of which we are capable of doing and being. Pure potential and emotion, unscathed by societal pressures and structural "normality." They understand so much more than we do, because they have not yet been taught to forget how to understand. The understanding we knew as children was gradually carved away via our corrupt education systems, and societal and cultural pressures. Thus, our capacity for magic and realizing our true potential is systematically destroyed. The majority of people mourn the loss of these abilities their entire lives. But there are ways to recapture them, and this is my main goal: To recapture my capacity for magic and ABSOLUTE freedom of pursuing my true will. But my goal isn't selfish. I don't just want this for myself. Through this pursuit, through this change at the individual level, the outward landscape of this world will be changed as well.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Connectedness

You didn't come into this world.  You came out of it, like a wave from the ocean.  You are not a stranger here. Alan Watts

In the whirlwind of greed and struggle for domination, we have become indoctrinated and enslaved. We have lost our sense of who we really are in relation to everything around us. We are brought up to believe that we are individual and separate from everything else. We are educated to become indentured servants to our own debt.

It's time that we finally open our eyes, and see that the system is broken. We are not merely lone lumps of particles randomly bumping up against other lone lumps. We are inextricably connected to the universe. If the  all the grass on the Earth dies tomorrow, we will all die soon after.

Th time has come to begin progressing toward a new way of life - a new system - a new structure. In order to survive, we must find balance. We must fully understand the all-encompassing co-dependence  of all things.

We are one organism. We are nature, and nature  is us. We must begin finding ways to live without being in constant conflict with nature, and thus without being in constant conflict with ourselves.


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Lemon Balm Soap: Part III


Here it is! This first picture is of the entire five pound loaf of soap when I first took it out of the mold.



And here is what it looked like when I cut it into bars!




Sadly, the scent of the Lemon Balm didn't make it through the saponification process. But the soap smells like warm honey and herbal tea. So I'm still really happy with it. Plus, though it may not smell like my herbal ally, I know she's in there - and so do you.

I've also worked on a few other little projects since finishing this soap: All natural lip balm with peppermint and grapefruit essential oils, a salt scrub with peppermint, patchouli, vetiver, and ylang ylang essential oils, and a brand spankin' new pink grapefruit soap. Oh, and I'm also gearing up to make some all natural incense. Hopefully, I have some of that ready to post to my Etsy shop by the end of next week!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Lemon Balm Soap: Part II


For a splash of color, I'm adding some powdered parsley. Parsley has very high Chlorophyll content, and is known for keeping it's bright, grass green color, even after undergoing saponification. Lots of folks who make all natural soap struggle with color, since many natural color additives quickly lose their luster once the lye is added.

Just below, I've dissolved the organic acacia honey in some warm distilled water. 


Next, I weigh out the lye. Lye is absolutely necessary for making true soap. There's no way around it. The goal here is to calculate the lye/oil ratio perfectly, so that the lye completely expends itself as it transforms the oils into soap. If properly measured and mixed, you end up with pure saponified oils (soap) that is gentle and cleansing. 


Below, I've strained the olive oil, and it's reflecting my kitchen cabinets nicely. :P


Remember the herbal infusion I made in Part I? The I've strained it out and it's ready for the lye to be added.


Next, I add the lye to the herbal infusion carefully. You can't see it in this next picture, but I've got big purple rubber gloves on to protect my dainty hands from lye burns. This next picture shows the lye/herbal infusion in an ice bath on the left, and the Lemon Balm infused olive oil on the right.


 Next, I've added the lye/herbal infusion solution to the olive oil. Commence the stirring! Stir, stir, stir, and stir some more. This part takes a while. It's important that the lye solution and oil are mixed very well to prevent pockets of burning pain in your bars of soap. No one like pockets of burning pain.


The image below shows the mixture at a stage when it's ready to be poured. Notice the difference between the picture above? It's all creamy looking now. Mmmm. Creamy...


Here's a picture of the mold I'm using. It's a 5 pound wooden soap mold, lined with freezer paper.


Inside the mold, I've added a little parsley powder and chamomile buds.


This next picture shows the soap mixture after I've added some parsley powder.  Green is good!


And here we have the mixture after it's been poured into the mold, all nice and swirly!


I always make a little more than 5 pounds of soap. The next picture shows my smaller 2 pound mold, filled with the remaining green soap mixture.


And finally, I offer a "Thank You" to my ally, Lemon Balm. She gave much, and is due some gratitude.

Stay tuned for Part III of Lemon Balm Soap, where I remove the soap from the mold, and cut it into bars.

Lemon Balm Soap: Part I


 As promised, here's my little journey into making Lemon Balm soap. It all began with a harvest during the last full moon. During the full moon, the essential oils in plants are at their highest.



I'm also using the root of Lemon Balm in my infusions. Pictured below is extra virgin olive oil, which is being infused with Lemon Balm leaves, stalks, and roots. This infusion was made of the course of three full days. Each day, I strained the oil, and added fresh Lemon Balm.


On the third day, I harvested some more fresh Lemon Balm for the next phase of my plan. This new harvest will be made into an herbal infusion. I placed fresh and dried Lemon Balm leaves, stems, and roots into a French Press. 

In the next step, I poured boiling distilled water into the French Press, and allowed this mixture to brew for several hours. This creates a sort of very strong "tea," which I will later use as a carrier for mixing Lye (Sodium Hydroxide) into the olive oil.


As shown below, I'm also adding Organic Acacia Honey to this batch. I figured honey was a no-brainer choice for this soap, since many of my impressions from Lemon Balm involve bees.



Friday, June 8, 2012

The Melissa


For nearly a year, I've been a student at Wise Woman University, studying under the illustrious Susun Weed. My primary focus in my studies in herbalism is women's health; but that's not what this post is about. There's a point. I swear.

Rewind to about 5 years ago. I was out in my yard, making a flower bed along the side of my house. Ripping away at the "weeds," I suddenly got a whiff of lemons. I looked at my hand, and realized I had a fistful of this lemon-scented plant. I thought to myself, "What the hell?" I later discovered that what had suddenly popped up in my yard was Lemon Balm (Melissa officinalis).

Fast forward to Summer 2011. I receive my first set of assignments from Wise Woman University. One of Susun's assignments is called "Herbal Ally." It instructs me to go outside and find a plant that's already growing near my house. So, I walk out into my garden, and the first thing I see is Lemon Balm. Voila! The assignment further instructs me to sit down and breathe with this plant for 10 minutes per day, for one year. "OK....?"

I began, and as instructed, I've been breathing with my Lemon Balm every single day since. I breathe in oxygen produced by the Lemon Balm, and the Lemon Balm breaths in my exhaled carbon dioxide. It's a gentle give and take - a balanced reciprocation.

I've plenty of experience with meditation. So this exercise was simple enough. But well into the second breathing session, something broke my concentration. I heard a bee buzzing in my ear. I had always been afraid of bees. It's one of those irrational fears, I suppose. Anyway, I opened my eyes to see where this bee was, and to see if I was in any danger of being stung. There was no bee in sight. I closed my eyes again, and resumed my focused breathing.

"Bzzzzzzzzzz Bzzzzzzzz Bzzzzzzzz!" This time, I heard tons of bees flying around me; but again, when I opened my eyes, there were no bees. "Alright Ben...Fuck it. Just shut your eyes and breathe. Stop worrying about the bees" I said to myself. Back to breathing I went. This time, I let the sound of the bees become part of the experience. I could hear them flying from flower to flower, stopping to collect nectar. I could feel the Sun's warmth on my face, and the scent of the Lemon Balm began to intensify. When the session was over, I came inside and wrote down my experience.

I've continued this practice for many months now. The fascinating part is that the experiences and impressions I'm getting from this exercise are actually teaching me things about the very nature of the Lemon Balm, and all of the services this wonderful plant has to offer us. For example, my first noticeable experience while doing this exercise was the incident with the buzzing of bees. Once I relaxed into the experience, the bees' buzzing sounded more relaxed too. They stopped buzzing in my ears, and went about their business. When I began comparing my impressions and experiences with Lemon Balm to the actual herbal lore of this plant, I was astonished. The botanical name for Lemon Balm is Melissa Officinalis. Melissa means "honey bee" in Greek. Greek apiarists would rub the inside of their hives with Lemon Balm leaves. This apparently calms the bees down, and makes them feel more at home.

There were actually a multitude of lessons tucked inside my encounter with the bees. I learned that Lemon Balm is calming to the nerves. But I also learned that bees, along with the rest of the universe, responds to calming thoughts. When I'm calm, the world is calm. When I'm up buzzing in the ears of the world, they're up buzzing in mine.

So, I began to truly understand the healing power of plants. Over the last few months, I've received so much information from my breathing exercise. I'm convinced that Lemon Balm, as well as all other plants, are intelligent creatures. They're completely capable of communicating with us. We just have to learn how to hear them, and learn how to speak their language. The language of plants is that of sensory impressions. They communicate to us through visual displays, taste, smell, touch, and sound.

Here are a few things that I've recorded in my Lemon Balm journal that I feel are important to share with the world. The following are impressions received from my experience with this plant - These statements have not been reviewed by any medical association, and are not to be considered medical advice:

- Kills bacteria in the lungs
- Antiviral
- Stress relief
- Peaceful Sleep
- Purge sorrow
- Resilience
- Longevity
- Combats Seasonal Affective Disorder
- Can bring about a state of euphoria
- Strengthens the Thyroid / Improves balance in the throat chakra
- Brings happiness to a worried heart
- Good for relieving postpartum depression
- Eases acid reflux
- Assists in digestion
- Spiritually uplifting
- Overall mood enhancer
- Makes you feel more comfortable in unfamiliar places

There are many, many more impressions which I have received from this plant - too many to list here. Some of them are in accord with modern research into the benefits of Lemon Balm as a medicine. Some of them have yet to be researched (which is something I plan on doing down the road).

Susun also encourages her students to use our herbal ally in as many ways possible. So far, I've made herbal infusions, teas, compresses, tinctures, salads, and soaps from Lemon Balm. All of them have been amazingly useful in treating all sorts of ailments (physical, emotional, and spiritual).

I'm telling you about all of this as a preface to a my next post, in which I'll be taking you through the steps of me making a beautiful Lemon Balm soap. In a previous post, I mentioned how much thought I put into making soap. I hope you're getting a clearer picture of what I meant. All of the above information, plus a year's worth of meditation with this plant, is soon going to become something you can rub all over your naked body. Excited yet? I am!

Awake

 

A Brahman saw the Buddha resting under a tree in meditation. The Brahman was impressed with the Buddha's way.

He asked, "Are you a god?"

"No, Brahman, I'm not a god."

"Are you an angel?"

"No", replied the Buddha.

"You must be a spirit then?"

"No, I'm not a spirit," said the Buddha.

"Then what are you?"

"I'm awake."

I'm fascinated by images and stories of Buddha. My mother is equally obsessed with her disdain for this aspect of me. She simply doesn't understand. Her upbringing tells her that Buddha is some sort of rival god, and that anyone who worships him will be judged negatively by her version of the Christian God. 

"But I'm not a Buddhist," is something I find myself frequently saying to her. It's rather exhausting. Yes, I have many statues of Buddha around my house. Do I bow down and pray to these statues? No. The image of Buddha is a reminder to me that all of us, myself included, are capable of immense kindness and compassion. It reminds me that I don't have to be a god to bring about change in the world, and within myself.

I face a lot of harsh judgement coming from my family when it comes to the fact that I enjoy Buddhist art and literature. They feel somehow threatened by Buddha, as if knowing anything about his teachings will damn them to Hell. I can't stop myself from giggling at their ignorance, because it is that very ignorance that Buddha so desperately sought to strike from his own heart. Of course, they wouldn't know anything about that, because their religion basically forbids them from reading anything about other belief systems, lifestyles, or thought forms. I don't judge them for what they believe, and I know they are only reacting to fear of the unknown. I just wish they could wake up, even if just for a moment, long enough to see the world through open eyes. If they did, they would soon see that the teachings of Buddha and the teachings of Christ are indeed quite similar. It is only people's judgements and skewed perceptions of these teachings that make them appear dissimilar. 

Here are some examples of the kinds of things Buddha said. Do these statements sound familiar? 

"Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule."

"It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways."

"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace."

"There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it."

"Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace."

"To live a pure unselfish life, one must count nothing as one's own in the midst of abundance."

In closing, I'll say this: 

No, Momma, I'm not a Buddhist....I'm awake.   

In the beginning, there was soap...

All-Natural Handmade Soap, made by Ben Bills of Hallowed Circle Botanicals

"Alchemy is the art of manipulating life, and consciousness in matter, to help it evolve, or to solve problems of inner disharmonies."- Jean Dubuis

 Soap making: I get a lot of mixed reactions when I tell people I'm a soap maker. Most people just grin and nod, and I imagine they're thinking something along the lines of "How delightfully mundane!" But just like everything in life, people tend to look at the surface of something, and decide they fully understand it. Little do they know that making soap is (at least for me) an exercise in art, magic, and alchemy. My soap isn't just about washing off dirt, though it certainly does achieve this. It's a joyous expression of who I am in this world. Each bar is like a cross-section of whatever is going on in my heart center at the time. The things I make are manipulations of life and consciousness. This process of manipulation (and resulting creation) is, in a sense, alchemy. When someone uses a bar of my soap, they aren't just washing themselves with a bunch of saponified plant matter. They're washing themselves with lifetimes of dreams, hopes, wisdom, and love.

So here we are! What follows shall be a record of my adventures in creation and healing. I'll be talking about lots of different stuff, like soap making, skin care, herbalism, plants, nature, philosophy, spirituality, and much more!

Love,

Ben